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The Really Professional Job Advertisement Company

Qrow

Bug Reporter
Unlinked
Location
UK
Do you want to work in a good team with a great atmosphere at a brilliant venue? Look no further.
What our client is after is clean, smart and presentable. There are positions available at two venues and our client is looking to interview for immediate starts. However there are some strict requirements. Do not turn up if you’ve snorted so much your nose bridge is missing, with your just been on a session red eye, or nibbled down fingernails. Arrive looking to impress. If your clothes are creased, and you look like you’ve been slapped in the face by a barn door, our client won’t be having your lazy crack-head arse behind the bar or presenting the club.
Look the best, be the best.

If you think you can smell something off, it’s probably your breath. Grab some chewing gum and maybe a smoothie. Our client needs honesty, hard work and attention to detail, you should be prepared to work hard for your money.

Kitchen Chef/Bartender x3:
Must have at least 1 star of experience running a kitchen/bar. Your experience in Maccies and down a Tiny Big Tacos does not count. Sure, they make food, but the meals our client expects aren’t ping ping. So if that is your experience, ping off. Food safety knowledge and ability to cook with fresh ingredients is key

Front of house presenter/introducer/welcomer:

Must be a people person. Our client does not have the time or patience to teach someone how to be sociable just because you've played Call Of Duty for the last 10 years instead of having proper mates. If talking to others scares you or makes you uncomfortable, this isn’t for you. The client is looking for someone outspoken with a clean white smile and charisma. If you’ve smoked your way to yellow teeth for 20 years, visit a dentist before you come down for an interview.
You’ll be introducing the talent, as well as greeting the public, so respect and decorum is key.

Talent:
Budding comedian, singer/songwriter, rapper, musician, screenwriter? Scratch that last one. Our client needs regular talent lined up weekly to perform on select nights mediated by you and the client. This is not the x-factor, if you only sing in your shower and your mum says you’re good you should look elsewhere. If you think the client might find it hard to tell whether or not you're giving political commentary or trying to be funny, perhaps you should explore other ventures. All experience welcome, turn up to the interview ready to perform.

For more information or application;
Text these numbers:
618-2383
192-3733

 
Last edited by a moderator:
@Drew usual for front of house more like ^^

Though I'm pretty sure he's probably missing his nose bridge 🤣🤣

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Dear Drew Fan Club

I would have respected your shop but it appears you don't respect ours but what could i say i would be jealous also if my restaurant was worse than a guy who has pink hair and is known as simp. well 2nd best isn't that bad :) 

 
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