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August Newsletter

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August Newsletter

Published: 06/08/2019  Author: Nalurah



First and foremost I want to hand the mic to the newest members of the Community Team, mr KingGodDiabloZ, to introduce himself to all of you:

Hello everyone!
For the people that don't know me yet; Hi! I'm KingGodDiabloZ, 19 years old and a proud dutchy! I have been on RPUK for more then 3 years now, doing many things, differing from being a member of TCK to being a police officer. Before becoming Community Liaison I was in the staff team for almost a year! For the people that haven't spoken to me much yet, you will most likely see me a lot more since one of my goals is to actively engage myself with everyone in the community by playing, chatting and having banter with all of you!
As I am currently at the beach in South-France enjoying my holiday I haven't taken on tasks just yet, when I'm back from my holiday (which will be the 7th of August) I will officially start performing tasks as a Community Liaison!
As a community liaison my goal will be to make sure that your voices are being heard! Whether it's a general question you may have, an issue with a player which you need some help to resolve, a concern regarding something you witnessed or heard of within the community, an idea you want to bring to the table, an event you want to organise etc. There isn't anything I can't help you with! My door will always be open if you need my help! If you cannot reach me on teamspeak you are more then welcome to send me a message on discord or the forums or even add me on steam!
But for now I will dive straight back into the sea and see you guys when I'm back from my holiday! Au revoir!
Kind Regards,


As some of you may have noticed we have some interesting events coming up that were hinted at in a video. The very first of these events will be on the 10th of August. More about this event will be announced soon but for now enjoy the video! 
A giant thank you as well to Jolly (the editor) and the entire crew (a whole bunch of lovely hobos) that helped with filming the trailer!





Not a lot of news from the Staff Team this month, but there is a few things we would like to bring up. 

  • Please remember to use the Join for Support  channels before messaging staff on Teamspeak or Discord via private message, if however you've waited in Join for Support for longer than 10 minutes please message a member of staff for assistance!
  • At this point before entering any liaison or Support Room's take 5 minutes to calm down, if you go in shouting and angry, the other party is likely to respond in kind. That is not conductive of an agreeable outcome for all parties. Basically the golden rule comes to play here. Treat others as you wish to be treated. It's very easy to forget that voice on the end of that headset belongs to another human being.
  • Last but not least, the Staff Team are ALWAYS looking for new staff team members, now if you fall under the requirements have a go at the applications. https://www.roleplay.co.uk/topic/111128-when-are-staff-applications-open/




One of our oldest and most beloved Community Members and Gold Command member DCC Gremlin wants to share a story of his past. 

Hi there and thanks for taking the time, like I have to write this for you to read one of my little ditties from life. Being an old fart all my stories come from yonder year. in fact, before I even joined the police, but I believe I have one story from when I was a kid that left three old skool cops in stitches. 

I was pretty young, maybe 8 years old at the time ( ouch almost 40 years ), and I have a brother a few years younger than me. We had a babysitter who I’m going to call Daniel. Daniel was 17 or 18, he was an assistant Judo instructor, and had recently placed in the youth world championships.

 To a couple of young boys, he was an absolute legend. We had the coolest babysitter on the block and everyone knew it.

Danny would wrestle with us because roughhousing is kind of what kids do (or at least we did, we didn't have computers, consoles and certainly no mobile phones). He was really great about it and nobody ever got hurt, although we did break some things around the house occasionally, which he always confessed up to when my mum got back. 

On this particular day, however, he was chasing us as we ran away and I pulled my brother into the upstairs bathroom and slammed the door. The latch clicked just as his full weight hit the door, jamming the lock. We tried to get the door open from both sides for what seemed like hours, but it would not budge. Afraid he would have to explain to my mum why the police had to chop our door down, he started brainstorming other ways to get us out. To this day I don’t know how he got up there, but there was a tiny, decorative protrusion of brick wrapping around the second floor of the house, maybe an inch and a half wide. He managed to reach it and shimmy, mission impossible style, all the way around to where the window to the bathroom was.

 The neighbours must have seen him and thought he was a burglar trying to find an unlocked window and they called the police. Meanwhile, we let him in through the window and he uses a screwdriver to take the entire doorknob off. 5 minutes later… click and the jammed latch pops back out. 

We all go downstairs. 

Next thing I remembered was the arrival of the Calvary. We see police lights in the back alley from the kitchen, and then a knock at the front door. Police had surrounded the house. I lived in a pretty small, safe, and close knit village, and we rarely ever had any actual crimes. This burglary was probably the most exciting thing that was going to happen all month, so every police car responded.

Yes Every Single One. Daniel, sensing something was up, told us to wait in the kitchen while he went to the door. Being disobedient little shits, we snuck into the hallway and peeked around the corner. I will never forget the exchange that followed: 

Officer 1: “Sir, would you please step out of the building with your hands up?” Danny: “Wait, wait. What the heck is going on?” 

Officer 2: “You tell us.” 

Danny. 2 I have friends in the area if you detain me, they will use force to release me

Officer 1. “ Danny! Chat Shit Get banged!!”

Danny then proceeds to explain that he was babysitting kids who had trapped themselves in a room and that he needed to get into the room to get them out of the room. They clearly aren’t buying it and he’s starting to sweat. And then Officer 3 arrives, and bursts out, “Danny, what are you doing here?”

Apparently Daniel trained Officer 3 at the Judo Academy, and they knew each other pretty well. IN fact, Danny also babysat his kids from time to time. Officers 1 and 2 are more at ease now, and Danny goes on to explain the alleged break in once more. Just as he finishes, my brother races around the corner and runs up to the Officers at the door and holds up the doorknob. 

He says, “Here you go. We’re sorry we broke it. But can we have Danny back now? I don’t want him to go to jail!” All at once, all three of them burst out laughing. I mean, doubled over, pounding-their-knees-with-their-fists laughing. Choking back tears, Officer 3, who I guess was the supervisor or something, radios everyone to stand down. I bet that one was fun for him to explain to my parents, but it was well past my bedtime when they got home so I wasn’t there to witness it.



Jet Ski Race

Widespread gambling finds its home in Poseidon on the regular, in this case over £140,000,000 was gambled by members of Poseidon on a jet ski race entered by it's members. George Harris had the claim to fame in this one, managing to net Salv Triton and Samantha Orion around £30,000,000 in winnings. The biggest loser being one of the Poseidon brothers themselves, missing out on approximately £88,000,000. 


Poseidon's future investments

Poseidon is investing heavily into it's weapons acquisitions in order to bring to bear the very latest in anti-vehicle technology. Prototypes demonstrate devestating effects on vehicle electronics. Poseidon hopes that this will lead to more encounters involving "friendly" conversation.

Pyrgos Nightlife

Pyrgos has improved its nightlife with recent donations from the Poseidon Cartel. Jeep Triton himself has been frontrunning the Pyrgos redevelopment programme on behalf of the Poseidon brothers. The brothers are excited by the prospects that this redevelopment poses for their home town and are welcoming any and all investment to improve infrastructure and security to the once rebel ravaged area. 





We recently held a Recruitment drive in order to meet the ever increasing demands on the NHS, this was successful with 34 applications being submitted resulting in 10 new medics within the 2 week period at the date of writing. We are always looking for budding new Doctors to join our team so please apply if you are interested. https://www.roleplay.co.uk/forum/91-nhs-applications/

As of recent, we have been receiving reports of patients who all seemed to have succumb to what appears to be a virus, we know that as of current this virus is transmitted via saliva and other bodily fluids. The form of deposition into the body appears to be via oral transmission mainly in the form of a bite, many of which seem to have come from humans. We would like to reassure all of Altis that there is no need to worry, however, please remain vigilant, should you be bitten by either animal or human, please inform the NHS as a matter of priority. The NHS is planning on carrying out many more Checkpoints across the Island to ensure all citizens are healthy and in hope to prevent any major outbreak by testing citizens on a regular basis. This should help us to also have a better understanding of the welfare of the island and spot any potentially devastating viruses before major contamination amongst our precious population.


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Storm The Smuggler

YES KINGGODDIABLOZ the dutchy's will rule the island

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Jason Wild

Love the story!!

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I lost it at the "I have friends in the area" part 😂

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in this case over £140,000,000 was gambled by members of Poseidon

Well, at least now i know where the money i have been spending with poseidon passes goes to.

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